Thoughts: I really do think I am rebelling against the diet thing. And that's half the problem... I keep calling it a diet... and that's not what I am trying to do here. It's about eating BETTER. That means watching what you eat (I watch it as it goes into my mouth and into my belly.... GET IN MY BELLY!!!). That means watching how MUCH you eat. Maybe I'm subconsciously living up to the adage of 'if there's something worth doing, then it's worth doing a lot'. Eating is good and therefore I eat a lot. Not always often (though I do that too), but just in sheer quantity. I have so many food issues it's not even funny.

Stress eating: Wind me up and watch me eat. It takes my mind off of whatever is bugging me.

'Principal' eating: I bought it therefore I must eat it, otherwise it's wasted money... and I hate wasting money.

The quantity over quality aspect: everything I do, I tend to do to excess in the quantity volume. That's how I ended up with like 6000 45 RPM records. That's how I ended up with nearly 1000 CDs. That's how I ended up with 20 rolls of tape. The list goes on and on. I'm

I like food: I watch Andrew Zimmern on Bizarre Foods. I watch Anthony Bourdain: No Boundaries. I watch Iron Chef. I watch the Food Challenges. I watch competitive eating and follow the IFOCE website. I make a point of actually watching the July 4th Nathan's hot dog eating contest. You can see how this ends up tying in with the quantity over quality.

I have serious food issues. I admit it. But I'm gonna try my best to get back to a reasonable weight. My dad has put on weight over the years and now he's borderline diabetic, probably has blood pressure issues and probably other medical issues I don't even know about. I don't want myself to get into that position. Granted, I'm kinda there already, but I need to try to get away from that is what I'm saying. I can't get there by eating a Cinnabon for breakfast, frozen meal and a raspberry filled long john for lunch, an entire bowl of Dan Dan Noodles from Pei Wei and then a bowl of chips and salsa at 9pm. That's what I ate yesterday. And I'm not working out at all. I can't to where I want to be living that type of lifestyle. It just doesn't work that way.

Maybe the answer for me is the eating smaller meals more often. Or not. I dunno. But I need to figure it out. I used to say I that I was 'fat and happy'. Well, guess what? Read everything above. 'Fat and happy' is a big fat lie.