I laughed when I looked at the latest Billboard Top 200 results for this week.
In case you were living under a rock, Guns R Roses finally released the long awaited (by some) Chinese Democracy album.
And the results are in:
#1 this week: Kanye West's new album '808s and Heartbreak'. Wait... what? That can't be right. Axl Rose spent some 15 years and 13 million (or more) on the masterpiece called Chinese Democracy. Oh well, I'm sure it came in second...
#2 this week: Taylor Swift - Fearless. What? This album has been on the charts for 3 weeks now. Something must be amiss here. There's no way that a few thousand country fans can out buy all the metalheads and hard rock boyz in the world.
#3 this week: Guns n Roses - Chinese Democracy. Ha!
So... yeah... I find it to be funny. All this hype and pfffffffffft it lets out a puff of stanky air. Granted, #3 isn't that bad. I'm sure I would have loved it if Devilcake's 'I Can't Believe It's Not Satan' album debuted at #3. Or in the course of 5 years sold as many albums as the new GnR sold in its first week, hell, even in its first day. Or if the album even showed up in the Billboard at all. :P
So, good for you Axl for finally getting out this long awaited (by some) album. Maybe next week will prove to be better and you'll outsell a loud-mouthed auto-tuned hip hop singer and an 18 year old hotttttttie country singer and everyone else who plans on putting out a new album next week. Maybe next week you will be number one. For the sake of your record label who is probably seething at the measly 260k albums that were sold, I hope you do better. But you can count on one fewer this week and probably for the rest of your life because I have no intention of buying this album. And I know you don't care, so you don't have to let me know that. Though, if you want to go on a tear of song writing like you did for Use Your Illusion I & II and create a triple album called 'Darrin Can Bite Me - Vols. 1, 2 and 3', then be my guest. I quite enjoyed the Use Your Illusion albums. Of course, if you take another 15 years to put it out, I and everyone else will probably lose interest.
So, sorry about your luck Axl on not getting the number 1 spot on Billboard. I myself was quite surprised. I'm hoping that your tour goes much better. Maybe a good 3 year long tour will do you some good. Just make sure that you show up for at least 98% of them and of those 98% make sure at least 95% of you play the entire concert and not walk off the stage 4 songs in because the sound is bad or it's too hot in the venue or your pinky finger on your left hand hurts. Do that, and you should see a pile of cash. Of course, the record label's going to want to recoup the 13 million they invested in Chinese Democracy, so don't plan on seeing a cent for at least the first year. Though, you might be been shrewd enough to fix your contract so that they can't touch your tour profits. If you were that smart, then kudos to you Axl. No, seriously, if you were that smart, good for you... because while I might think your a bit on the nutty side, I also know that over the past 80 years that record labels have been hosing artists by fronting them money, then charging them for studio time and god knows what else, then charging 15 bucks for an album that costs 5 cents to make... maybe a dollar per if you take into consideration advertising ... anyways... they walk away with liek 10 bucks per album and give artists something like 10 cents or something stupid like that.
Ok, I'm going off on a tangent here. Badly even since i have no fact to back up any of that shit above. Let's get back on track here.
At least, in the end of this whole Chinese Democracy hype, I'll get a free Dr. Pepper. It will be tasty.