Friday, October 12, 2001

Yo ho ho folks. Yep, I'm still alive. And now, a year older. Well lah-dy freakin' dah!

I don't understand why birthdays are such a big deal. Now here's the funny thing. I get all bent when someone doesn't remember mine. I don't know why. It's weird. I think in the back of my head 'Holy Shit! It's so easy to remember mine! 10-10. Fuckin' simple.' And then after spewing that fact from my mouth, I come to the realization that the friend I am talking to, I have no idea when their birthday is. None. Sometimes I get the right month, but not too often. Man, I hate being a dumbass like that. It took me YEARS to finally get my Mom's and my sister's birthdays right. They're both in the same month which almost makes it harder. My Dad's is easy, same month as mine. And one of my friends has his birthday a few days after mine, so I remember that one too. And the one person who has theirs on Groundhog Day. And my one friend in April. But the majority of the friends I see like 2 or 3 times a week??? Not a friggin' clue. It's totally bizarre. I don't understand it. I've been getting a little bit better, but still. Damn. It's one date that you have to associate with a friend and I can't seem to get it right so save my life. But I guess I suck like that sometimes. So be it.

Oh yeah, in case you're wondering, the bathroom is finished. Yeah. For the most part, it was done well. They didn't clean up after themselves, but you get what you pay for. I need to fix the vanity cause either 1) they dropped it or 2) it was broken and they installed it anyways. I don't know which it is cause I wasn't smart enough to look at it before they installed it. My fault. I think I have a way to fix it though, so, we'll see.

And why the hell do I get choked up over a stupid ass show like Dawson's Creek. I dunno. At first I connected with the dorkiness of Dawson. I was a big dork in high school myself and took every glance from a female WAY too seriously. I thought if she looked at me, she liked me and if she didn't, she hated me. Hmm... insecure.... well, maybe a little. But now they are in college. This is likely the last year. The plots last year were laughable, but it was almost guaranteed that I would get choked up at least once an episode. What the hell is my problem??? Quite frankly, I think I got some deeply buried shit... and I wish it would just stay there. Maybe if I try to clear my mind it would all go away. Courtney, I'm sorry. I was wrong. ... There. I said it. Lord knows we haven't talked in almost 10 years. And it's not cause I haven't seen her either. I'm not even sure if she even acknowledges my existence. And honestly, I don't blame her. I really don't. So Courtney, if you're reading this by the grace of some higher being... "I'm sorry."


In other news... well, you're going to be disappointed, but there is no other news. I have to leave it all on a sad, pathetic note. But guess what Charlie, life isn't always roses. You live which what you're dealt and how you play that hand. Some of it's good and some of it's bad and you have to learn to live with them both. Something that I am amazingly getting better at.

Take care of yourself! PEACE!!!

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